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I JUST READ MY CHAT WITH AN OLD FRIEND

/ January 30, 2020
I just read my chat with an old friend. I should text her, but I can't. So I'll just write instead.

She was my very good friend. I met her when she was a young teenager - a stage where she was growing and had her emotions at the peak. She was very vulnerable and innocent that she could never hide how she felt. She was so real and expressive. She was a writer too and I felt she was better than me because when I was just learning to write beyond words that people just liked to read but words that touched their souls, she was already writing words that hit deeper than a bullet shot at close range. She hardly writes now though, or maybe she does but never posts. Or maybe she posts but I just never see.

The first time that I met her, it was through a mutual friend. Even though she had feelings for me then, it was our mutual friend that I liked in that manner. We all were mature about it though, cos instead of us to act like the average teenagers would and complicate everything, we found a way to deal with it all. Or maybe we weren't that mature. Maybe it wasn't an important problem because she had a bigger problem to face at the time. And as a friend, I needed to be there for her. I needed to assure her that it was all going to be alright - and I did exactly that.

Her problem took her away from me and her other friends for about 10 months. And when she came around again, it felt very nice to have my friend back - to feel her around me and to be buried in her writings whenever I read them. It was pleasing to hear the beautiful noise she made when she laughed. And more importantly, to see that everything had become alright and that her problem was solved already... Well, I prophesized it.

But... What happened?

What happened to us along the line, I really don't know. But I guess it was growth that took us away from each other. Or maybe it was just other problems, I can't say.
But before the drift, we were doing good as friends that I thought she was going to be around for a long time. I thought I was always going to send my first drafts to her to ask for her opinions, I thought I was going to be there to always assure her that it was going to be fine if the need to do that ever came again. Or that she would at least be able to assure me that everything would be alright if it ever became my turn to have one of those big problems. But no, she never returned that favour.
She was not my best friend and I was never hers, not even for a day. But there was something special. Something beyond what you're thinking of right now as you read this. Something just both of us could understand. Something that made me read the real meanings to the words she said. Something that made me see the real emotions in her eyes and hear them in her voice even when she tried to hide it all. That was how deep it was. That was how much I liked her... and maybe how much she liked me too.

But I wasn't really smart. I wasn't smart enough to notice when we were drifting apart. I didn't know that I was losing the power to read her thoughts, to understand her feelings and to connect with her.
When I noticed was when the table turned to the other side and she liked my friend. He liked her back, and I was kind of happy for them. But like a cheap Chinese product, their feelings didn't last. We all blamed her. We thought she just used him to feel good about herself or to cure boredom. Probably both. Probably neither, I don't know.
After their own story, we got more distant. She liked another person that I knew very well, and even though this time was unlike the last time, it ended too (well, don't they all end?). But at least, that lasted for a relatively longer time.
In the middle of all of the feelings and the stories, a lot happened. She stopped writing, or maybe I just stopped seeing them. Our circle broke, and none of us was interested in fixing things. We grew, and all of those time with one another felt like they never mattered. We became very ordinary persons to each other. She became to me, "I used to know her", and I became to her, an old friend.

Today, I read our chat from thirteen months ago. That one hour chat on WhatsApp was how it used to be 4-5 years ago, just that the chat had a bit of awkwardness.
We connected once more, but not like the vulnerable young adults that we were, because this time, we were careful. We had shields all over our words before we spoke them, and it was obvious we had things we wanted to say but we didn't know how to say them like we meant them.
Now, I'm here writing about her when I could just be texting her. I'm here thinking about her when I could just be feeling her.

I don't know if I miss her, because sincerely, weeks go by that I wouldn't even remember her name not to talk of think about her.
I don't know if she wants to talk to me or if she shares these memories, because I'm probably the only one reminiscing. Maybe I miss her, maybe I don't. Maybe she still remembers any of this or maybe our friendship never even felt like a big deal to her, I don't know.
But I know that I crave that she was here to return the favour I did for her - to tell me that one year is not a long time to wait for. To tell me that everything is going to be fine. To send me long paragraphs just to tell me that she cares about me...

But...


You know what? I don't think any of these matter. She's probably even forgotten everything.
But it's okay. The memories are enough for me.
And my pen is too.
I just read my chat with an old friend. I should text her, but I can't. So I'll just write instead.

She was my very good friend. I met her when she was a young teenager - a stage where she was growing and had her emotions at the peak. She was very vulnerable and innocent that she could never hide how she felt. She was so real and expressive. She was a writer too and I felt she was better than me because when I was just learning to write beyond words that people just liked to read but words that touched their souls, she was already writing words that hit deeper than a bullet shot at close range. She hardly writes now though, or maybe she does but never posts. Or maybe she posts but I just never see.

The first time that I met her, it was through a mutual friend. Even though she had feelings for me then, it was our mutual friend that I liked in that manner. We all were mature about it though, cos instead of us to act like the average teenagers would and complicate everything, we found a way to deal with it all. Or maybe we weren't that mature. Maybe it wasn't an important problem because she had a bigger problem to face at the time. And as a friend, I needed to be there for her. I needed to assure her that it was all going to be alright - and I did exactly that.

Her problem took her away from me and her other friends for about 10 months. And when she came around again, it felt very nice to have my friend back - to feel her around me and to be buried in her writings whenever I read them. It was pleasing to hear the beautiful noise she made when she laughed. And more importantly, to see that everything had become alright and that her problem was solved already... Well, I prophesized it.

But... What happened?

What happened to us along the line, I really don't know. But I guess it was growth that took us away from each other. Or maybe it was just other problems, I can't say.
But before the drift, we were doing good as friends that I thought she was going to be around for a long time. I thought I was always going to send my first drafts to her to ask for her opinions, I thought I was going to be there to always assure her that it was going to be fine if the need to do that ever came again. Or that she would at least be able to assure me that everything would be alright if it ever became my turn to have one of those big problems. But no, she never returned that favour.
She was not my best friend and I was never hers, not even for a day. But there was something special. Something beyond what you're thinking of right now as you read this. Something just both of us could understand. Something that made me read the real meanings to the words she said. Something that made me see the real emotions in her eyes and hear them in her voice even when she tried to hide it all. That was how deep it was. That was how much I liked her... and maybe how much she liked me too.

But I wasn't really smart. I wasn't smart enough to notice when we were drifting apart. I didn't know that I was losing the power to read her thoughts, to understand her feelings and to connect with her.
When I noticed was when the table turned to the other side and she liked my friend. He liked her back, and I was kind of happy for them. But like a cheap Chinese product, their feelings didn't last. We all blamed her. We thought she just used him to feel good about herself or to cure boredom. Probably both. Probably neither, I don't know.
After their own story, we got more distant. She liked another person that I knew very well, and even though this time was unlike the last time, it ended too (well, don't they all end?). But at least, that lasted for a relatively longer time.
In the middle of all of the feelings and the stories, a lot happened. She stopped writing, or maybe I just stopped seeing them. Our circle broke, and none of us was interested in fixing things. We grew, and all of those time with one another felt like they never mattered. We became very ordinary persons to each other. She became to me, "I used to know her", and I became to her, an old friend.

Today, I read our chat from thirteen months ago. That one hour chat on WhatsApp was how it used to be 4-5 years ago, just that the chat had a bit of awkwardness.
We connected once more, but not like the vulnerable young adults that we were, because this time, we were careful. We had shields all over our words before we spoke them, and it was obvious we had things we wanted to say but we didn't know how to say them like we meant them.
Now, I'm here writing about her when I could just be texting her. I'm here thinking about her when I could just be feeling her.

I don't know if I miss her, because sincerely, weeks go by that I wouldn't even remember her name not to talk of think about her.
I don't know if she wants to talk to me or if she shares these memories, because I'm probably the only one reminiscing. Maybe I miss her, maybe I don't. Maybe she still remembers any of this or maybe our friendship never even felt like a big deal to her, I don't know.
But I know that I crave that she was here to return the favour I did for her - to tell me that one year is not a long time to wait for. To tell me that everything is going to be fine. To send me long paragraphs just to tell me that she cares about me...

But...


You know what? I don't think any of these matter. She's probably even forgotten everything.
But it's okay. The memories are enough for me.
And my pen is too.
Continue Reading
at No comments:
I don't know who you are, but I know something about you. I know that you're human, and because of that, you have certain "guidelines" that you have subscribed to.

Your decision of course, might have been influenced by your parents; the guideline they subscribed to. Or your intelligent friends that made you see light in another way. Maybe your decision was influenced by the kinds of books you read, or by your role model's posts on social media. It could have been because of anything, or a combination of many things. However the kind of human that you are -- intelligent or stupid -- you have decided to subscribe to that guideline because (so far), you are convinced that "it's the way". But the reason for this writeup -- the question I want us both to think about -- is, "are you on the right path"?
Take a moment to think about this question; "if there truly was an absolute truth, then wouldn't it be that just very few persons are on the right path?" The reason for the "very few" is because not up to 100 million out of 7 billion people have the "exact" beliefs and ideologies holistically.

Life is a charade and us as humans, are only trying to solve the riddles. We are separated by beliefs. While some of us are theists and some atheists, others prefer to be in the middle; agnostics. Also, while there are different kinds of agnostics, people are also atheistic because of different reasons, and sometimes, these reasons are usually not similar/consistent with that of other atheists. For the theists, while some believe that the universe and everything in it was created by only one God (monotheists), others argue that it is too big and complicated to have been created or be controlled by one God (polytheists), rather, many gods who in their own ways are powerful and have their influences. So the "true" gods of the universe depends on which polytheist is declaring them. Even monotheistic people that believe in the existence of a supreme God do not think that their "only" God is the same with the other monotheists' "only" God. And God is divine, He has no business in directly interfering in humans' debate, else, we all would have exactly known without doubt, the absolute truth. So leaving everyone's certainty as only a matter of faith, rather than fact.

Religion has been a major divide, yet in religions are further divides; there are sects, and in sects, there are groups, all with "slightly" modified ideologies; maybe because we're humans and we interpret in different ways, or we enjoy the separation because it makes us belong somewhere.
But... if there were to be an absolute truth, it has to be very pure and total, right? And because of the many differences, that means the true subscribers to the truth would be few. But, how come so many claim to know the truth?

The main aim of this article isn't to interrogate the different paths and which one leads home, or to engage the various ideologies of life and which is the best to subscribe to, but to preach more tolerance and understanding.
I have established already that it is literally impossible for everyone to have the same ideologies, due to a lot of factors. So, if you're like me and you believe in the "absolute truth", even if your bias tells you that your path is the right path, you need to start being more understanding of those that aren't on the same path as/with you. Perhaps if you had the same family, shared the same environment, and you were exposed to the same knowledge as them, you wouldn't be any different from what they are.

This though, does not mean you shouldn't keep on pursuing your conviction and strive to be a better version of your current self, neither does it mean that in the bid to understand others, you should abandon your truth. This only means that learning to be understanding and actually understanding other persons would not take anything from us. It means that as Atheists, even though we will automatically appreciate another atheist for being relatively "smarter" than the rest of the society, we don't have to always make fun of the ones that think that a supreme being somewhere created them, yet, cannot physically prove the existence of that being. It means that as Pentecostal Christians, we do not have to turn our Catholic neighbours into another Jesus, and crucify them for subscribing to mass rather than attending services. It means that as Muslims, since everyone has not been blessed with the light to see that Allah is the only God, it's important to follow Prophet Muhammad's teachings and spread love, unity and tolerance.
Maybe some of us are on the right path already, maybe some are late-comers and will not find it until later, maybe some will never find the path, maybe some would inevitably be unfortunate by missing the path after they might have found it; there's only one common thing about us all -- the one thing that unites us -- our humanity. And it is our utmost responsibility that as we hold on to our truth and walk our path, we understand, and do not lose that thing that makes us all humans.
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It is 31st December 2018,  and I'm sitting in the lounge of the MTN Office, Agodi to retrieve my sim after losing my phone on the 27th of December, at gunpoint(One of the crazy moments in the year, btw), as i got home for the holidays which contained an account of my memoirs which I had planned to share as a link today,  I feel inclined to just type this little piece to highlights some events of the year and the lessons i learnt, both generally, and in the hard way.

To start, i had a lot of things I set out to achieve, as part of a 5 year personal development plan I set for myself at the end of my 2nd year in medical school in 2016.

2017 was all about discovering and rediscovering myself, seeking for ways I could be of greater input to the betterment of my immediate society and beyond, asides my primary aim of being a physician.
I was practically silent for most of the year, critically assessing the situation around me and also noting what could be done, how to do them and map out ways to be involved.
A number of these things I actually possessed the necessary prerequisites, knowledge and skillset, yet I still found it incumbent to do more.
To Learn More, To Equip Myself More, To be MORE Knowledgeable in the areas I had already identified I could be of impact to the society. Two areas formed the core of these areas, which are LEADERSHIP and SOCIAL IMPACT
And this was what I had in mind as I looked forward to the 2nd year in the development plan, 2018.

I can confidently say this year has been one of the best years of my Life so far.
Of course, that is not to say it didn't come with its challenges. In fact they came in various shades and forms.

I had just begun my 4th year of medical school, and at the University of Ilorin,  it is unarguably deemed the most stressful and tasking year in the 6 year journey of being a medical doctor.
Filled with an unreasonably high amount of academic work, clinical activities, and other similar events.  The task I had set out for in the year seemed like a mirage.

I had thought it wise to share some of the plans I had with some of my other colleagues in school,  and not ONE of the people i shared it with saw the reasonability, and feasibility  in the things I wanted to do, considering what lay ahead in this new class. In fact,  there were a lot of negative comments, that at some point seemed too many to ignore, or were too much i felt I would snap at some point.
But then i always thank God I saw the need to forge ahead despite these challenges.

I set out to learn, and coincidentally,  a lot of platforms came along for me to do so.
I volunteered for a lot of causes.
I attended a lot of conferences,  seminars,  workshops and meetings.
I got a lot of recommendations from friends and colleagues outside school as regards various opportunities that were in alignment with my goals and objectives which I maximised effectively.
I took a number of online courses and webinars, and of course while not the ultimate aim, I got a number of certifications cutting across different platforms, agencies and institutions.
Beyond this, it seemed like the heavens were in synchronisation with my plan as almost every passing day in the year brought me events(from observing events in the classroom, to hanging out with friends, to being a member of various teams working on specific projects) to learn from.
I worked in various teams, each with different and specific goals and It was indeed an avenue for me to learn a lot too.

In this quest, I had to make a lot of sacrifices. I had to make a lot of voyages, travelling outside school frequently, making late night trips and risky journeys.
I remember particularly, one out of the numerous trips I took to Lagos earlier in the year. It was during my Junior Medicine Posting in May. My Project Group had our field work and questionnaire administration to do at the main university campus the same day I was to travel and as the group leader there was no way I could have evaded that work. I had planned that within a time frame of 3 hours, lasting from 9am-12noon we would finish this work, meet with our supervisor and then I would be on my way to Lagos where I was expected to check in my already booked reservation by 7pm.
But as fate would have it, we couldn't finish up with the field work until around 2pm, and by the time we finished meeting with our supervisor it was already past 3pm. I left school almost immediately hoping to catch an afternoon ride to Lagos. But unfortunately i couldn't leave until about 6pm that day.
On that journey, after surviving three (3) major accident scares during it,yes you heard right, three. One on the Oyo-Ogbomoso Highway, another on the Lagos-Ibadan Expressway, and the other on the 3rd Mainland Bridge and eventually getting to my hotel room about 2:15 am, I had to review what exactly my motives for doing all of these things were.

1. What exactly do I stand to gain, putting myself in harm's way in my so called quest for knowledge?
2. Why am I making all these sacrifices when eventually it probably wouldn't matter in the long run, especially considering the bad system in place in this country?
3. Is this what it means to seek to be an impactful medical student whereas it might take a toll on my academics eventually?

It was in this moment of sober reflection and solemn thoughts that I came across a quote I had written in my journal over a year ago by Terry Giles which read:
"Reach for the Stars. Decide what you want to be and don't settle for anything less. Believe you can live your dreams, and then work towards that goal, and it will happen. The worst mistake you can make is when you give up on yourself"
Reading through that, I was able to provide answers to all the questions rummaging my mind and i would continue to forge  ahead in my pursuits of acheiving my set goals for the year despite the obvious risks and challenges.

There were a whole lot of experiences during the year that, of course, broadened my horizon, reshaped my thoughts, and eventually groomed me to be better aligned in my pursuits of being a better leader and one who would make significant societal impact.
I had captured a number of these events in my original piece, and considering the little time frame I have to write this, I would skip mentioning them, and just highlight some of the lessons i learnt hoping it would benefit us

1. Knowledge is Power.
I had always known about this simple statement for a long time but I only could feel it's manifestation majorly this year. I cannot count the number of times, on various platforms that mere having knowledge about some simple things stood me out and also berthed significant connections, and expanded my network.
Like Patrick Ashinze would say, "Knowledge is Shy, hence you have to make extra efforts to bring it to yourself".

2. Be yourself, regardless.
Because, Imitation is Limitation and Identifying who you are and being conscious of it would determine your outlook in life

3. A Thick Skin is needed to survive Life.
Just because, no matter what you do, you will have detractors both in numbers and might. But then, you know what actually annoys them more, developing a nonchalance towards all the negativity they exude .

4. Never settle for less, but then be sure you are actually equipped to do that.

5. Hardwork never kills

6. You will never be enough for everyone no matter what, so don't be too hard on yourself.

 7. Always give your best in whatever position you are, not minding if you are given accolades or not.
People are always watching, and you never know when your best would pay off or where it would take you to.
I'm a living example to this.
Twice this year, I sat on platforms that were due to recommendations from people i worked with earlier, and just in the early hours of today, I got another letter inviting me for an event in Kumasi, Ghana next year April based on a good word from a mentor of mine who had entrusted me with a job earlier this year. This person did not even muster a Thank You in words to me afterthe completion of the task but then look how he paid me back

8. You are the architect of your own Fortune (and Misfortune).
It would be inappropriate if I end this piece without acknowledging and appreciating all those who were indeed there for me this year.

It is impossible for me to list you all, but I pray that the Almighty bless you all abundantly, now, in the next year and beyond.

However, I would specially recognize three individuals whom their roles in the past one year meant a whole lot to me.

1. Oreoluwa Olukorode
For the efforts, too many to mention here. Thank you, for everything!

2. Akinoso Aminat
I couldn't have wished for a better partner. Thank You!

3. Amuda-Kannike Sulyman
Thank you Egbon. For the constant support, advice and concern. The past few months where I served as your Secretary to review the ILUMSA Compendium were golden times.

There's a whole lot of detail I would have loved to share, but considering the fact that I lost my original article and the short time I had in putting this up but I however hope we can learn from some of these lessons i learnt in 2018 as we prepare to usher in the new year.

Thank you for taking your time to read this, and I wish you the best in all your endeavours in 2019.
Be Good, Do Good and never forget to be the best version of yourself,  always.


ABDULLAH,Khalil-ur-Rahman 
Ibadan, Nigeria.
31st December,  2018
at No comments:
Life's full of lessons, a lot of them. 2018 was a year that didn't require me to pay a fee or get a uniform and an ID card before it schooled me. Of course, there was a lot of drama, there were breakthroughs, some limits were passed, and many dreams were fulfilled. I repeated some mistakes, recorded further failures at some aspects of life, and I'm still struggling hard to balance in some other aspects too. This blend of bitter-sweet ended up teaching me a lot of lessons, many of which I would still apply till I breathe my last.
Maybe someday, if I live long enough, I would tell a story about 2018 in a bigger picture, but as at this moment, all I want to do is share some of the lessons I learnt in 2018 in the simplest and shortest way I could possibly do. So, till you finish reading this, just give me your heart like I'm your partner, and consume what I've written like it's your best food and do your best in allowing your brain to digest it -- you're almost done, don't worry...
It's good to have dreams and sets goals, because that is how we grow. After all, you don't arrive if you never had a place in mind to reach. The trick about having dreams however, is that the mind is easily distracted. So, it is very important to always check oneself to see if one is still in line with their goals and if they're still following their dreams. Just keep your dreams original, as success has different definitions, and as long as you are real to yourself, and you work towards your dreams, the universe has its ways of helping you get what you truly desire. Just do your part and be careful about what you dream, what you wish for, and what you work towards.
Fam, life also taught me that the day you get all you ever wanted is the day you realise that it wasn't really all you ever wanted; you've always wanted more, just that you never realised it. This world is a journey and never a destination, and man can always be greater than how great he is at the moment. So no matter how much you achieve, you would always want to go for greater, and you should.
Life also made me realise that our failure isn't the end of us. You could fail so much and still make impacts as much as, or even more than someone who didn't fail. The society is good at letting us realise how much a failure we are, but it doesn't really show us how much success we can still be. It's then left to us to see with our teary eyes, the opportunities that are around us. Remember that you are an artist, and you can make beautiful art even with your broken crayons.
Again, one thing I learnt was that success requires even more hard work to maintain it. It feels good being on top and achieving what you've always wanted to, but the truth is that you can only remain at the top if you never stop putting in more work.
I also realised more, that the people you move with affect you more than you could ever know. For a good result, it's important to surround yourself with people who have the same mission as you. You should not keep someone who's addicted to an addiction you want to free yourself from, as your best friend. You should not pick a partner that doesn't grow when all you're about is growth... And yes, books are really good for the mind. Travel without moving, learn lot of things and feed your mind -- read books! It is very true that the people you move with and the books you read are the surest things to change you...
Life also showed the importance of family and friends. We need these people someway, somehow. Do your best in maintaining ties that do not threaten your life or development, and offer as much help as you can.
Life is always hard, and that's why I feel it wants to screw us always. We do not have the power to run from it, but we have the ability to always recover...
A thousand more lessons, but these are some of the lessons from 2018.
I hope you live a better life and achieve more in 2019.
Gun for greatness, mind your business, don't be unfortunate, don't give up, and stay awesome.






Koyum Kolade AFOLABI.
KK AWESOME.

2018; THE LESSONS.

by on December 31, 2018
Life's full of lessons, a lot of them. 2018 was a year that didn't require me to pay a fee or get a uniform and an ID card before i...
at No comments:

There's only one reason why I'm writing this to you right now fam, and it's to tell you that you are not stupid. I know like many people, you've probably listened to that voice that has whispered to your mind and found a way of making its words travel to your heart.
I know this happens mainly because of the society's ways of setting standards - in such a way that of over a thousand ways of being intelligent and useful in your own special ways, emphasis have only been given to a particular few, which could easily make you feel stupid if you're not doing well at any of them.
However, contrary to what the society thinks and regardless of if you're doing well in some particular areas or not, you are not stupid.
If you're not doing well in school, and you're putting in your best, it could probably be as a result of things beyond your control. In this case and similar cases, you don't have to be hard on yourself. All you should do is give success a definition other than what the society has defined it for you.
Afterall, in a class of 100 students, not all of them would graduate with a first class or second class upper, but to a reasonably high percentage, 80 percent of them could graduate "successfully"; even if not on close CGPAs.
What do I mean? I mean in a class of 100 students, it's easy for the society to refer to some as smart and the others as stupid, based on the A's, B's, E's and F's, when they have forgotten that for some, they want to do well in school, get great jobs, and help their lives and that of their nation economically, while for some, success would not come, only after they fulfill their dream of becoming musicians and travelling round the world to make people happy by dancing to their tunes. And of course, for others, it's different dreams and definitions of success.
Why then do you have to feel stupid if you're doing well in what you've decided to do, but struggling in what they want you to do?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking you not to be serious with school, in fact, I'd be insane to say that, as what is worth doing at all, is worth doing well. And again, a jack of all trades, master of all/many, logically, is better than a jack of all trades, master of few/none. But what I'm preaching is that the fact that you've put in your effort in 'general' things and you're not doing as well as the average person doesn't make you stupid!
Every time, we hear the cases of mental health issues, and undoubtedly, this is one of the causes of those issues - one being hard on oneself and feeling stupid. Isn't it then ironical that this society that's preaching mental wellness, is the one bringing up issues that would cause mental illnesses?
Conclusively fam, if you ever feel like you're stupid, just go easy on yourself, and think about your life and where you're getting it right. You have your own definition of success, work towards it!
And if you're someone who feels like you're not good at anything, even you aren't stupid, you've just not found what you're good at. So what to do? Listen to your heart and discover that thing.

I really hope the aim of writing this is met, and you stop thinking you're stupid. And for you who don't think you are, I hope you never have a reason to think you're stupid.


Koyum Kolade Afolabi
KK Awesome.

YOU'RE NOT STUPID

by on June 28, 2018
There's only one reason why I'm writing this to you right now fam, and it's to tell you that you are not stupid. I know like man...
at No comments:

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